Choose a passage (at least four sentences long) from your original fairy tale and rewrite the passage so that each sentence is a simple sentence. Then, write an analytical paragraph exploring how this change to sentence structure changes the meaning of the passage.
As always, be sure to prioritize your ideas (not summary) and provide specific textual evidence in support of your ideas. Continue to practice varying your sentence structure.
My passage:
ReplyDelete"As they made their way down to the small shore on the edge of the island, their tan feet slid on the wet sand beneath them. Aruna’s long, wavy, brown hair was damp with morning dew, and her almond shaped, hazel eyes reflected the ocean as it came into sight. Hani’s matching features caught the same glow as they waded into the water. They were just casting their poles and reeling in their first catch when it started to drizzle. Aruna was taking a hook out of her new found meal when she glanced to her right and no longer saw her younger brother standing next to her."
Passage with simple sentences:
Their feet slid on the sand. Aruna's brown hair was damp. They waded into the water. It started to drizzle. Aruna no longer saw her brother standing next to her.
In this case, the change of sentence structure mainly changes descriptive aspects of the passage into dull, simple sentences. The change in sentence structure additionally changes the overall meaning of the passage by cutting out some parts of the story and not giving the reader the entirety of the setting. For instance, in the original excerpt from the passage it says, "As they made their way down to the small shore on the edge of the island, their tan feet slid on the wet sand beneath them."This complex sentence was then changed to say, "Their feet slid on the sand." By changing the structure of this sentence in order to make it simple, it cuts out important information that lists the setting (the small shore on the edge of the island). When changed to simple sentences, the passage no longer feels complete and this diminishes the impact and interest in the story.
My passage:
ReplyDelete"In an almost non existent town north of “Phoenix”, there was the town of Heavy Foot. This town was best known for its car dealerships and custom shops. Heavy foot used to be a famous racing town, until formula one left America. It is still a racing town, but a more exhilarating and less legal kind."
Simple sentence version:
"There was an old town named Heavy Foot. This town was best known for its car dealerships and custom shops. Heavy foot used to be a famous racing town. It is still a racing town."
By making all the sentences simple it shortened the paragraph and made it choppy and random. It also removed lots of detail which almost entirely changed the setting. Though it still may convey "a small racing town", it doesn't have the seem feel or personality as the first one. Simple sentences should be used every once in a while, but in order to keep your story interesting, try and stay away from them.
My passage
ReplyDelete. Soon it was Franz’s turn, he positioned himself on the bar and stared down at the hill below him, he made his final calculations and he pushed off the bar. As he came to the jumping point Franz pushed off the ramp and flew through the air, with perfect form he made an impeccable landing and posted an impressive 192 meter jump. By the end of the competition, Franz was in second place, and he had to exceed a 201-meter jump posted by Fredzle, one of the strongest members of the entire Swedoslavian team. As Franz stared down the hill on his final jump, he thought of what got him there, and how disappointed his family would be if he didn’t come out of this competition victorious.
simple
Franz stared down the hill and pushed off the bar. He pushed off the ramp and landed with a distance of 192. Franz was in second place. He needed a 201 meter jump beat Fredzle. Franz stared down the hill and though of what his family had given up so he could fulfill his dream.
By changing the sentences into simple ones it took away much of the paragraphs meaning. By changing the sentences the paragraph lost much of the detail that the original paragraph had. When I read the new paragraph I could not relate to Franz as I could with the first sentence. Changing all of the sentences in a paragraph to simple sentences causes the paragraph to become mundane, and the paragraph looses it's original touch. This exercise has taught me that changing up your sentences can make your writing more meaningful and convincing.
My passage:
ReplyDeleteLittle did the town know that David had magical wheels that would go as fast as he wanted. He desperately wanted to build this soapbox car and nothing was going to stop him. He knew that he was going to need tools and scrap parts to build it. So, everyday after school, David decided that he was going to go to the scrapyard near his house to find parts apart from the wheels.
Simple sentences:
The town did not know that David had magical wheels. The magical wheels could go as fast as he wanted. He wanted to build a soap boxcar. Nothing was going to stop David from building a soapbox car. Everyday after school David would go to the scrapyard to find parts. David would go to the scrapyard to get parts. He would get parts that were not wheels.
Analytical Paragraph:
After writing simple sentences to replace the initial paragraph, I realized that so much more meaning can be crammed into a single sentence. I found myself having to create more sentences just to achieve the same meaning. For example, in the first sentence I had to write two sentences for one sentence. I changed "He desperately wanted to build this soapbox car, and nothing was going to stop him." to "He wanted to build a soap boxcar. Nothing was going to stop David from building a soapbox car." So, in order to achieve the meaning of one sentence I had to change it to two. I could use this finding to improve my writing by combining two simple sentences to make one compound sentence. Using less sentences allows to me to articulate the paper more effectively.
My Passage:
ReplyDelete“Itsuki woke up to the bright sun trickling through the surrounding trees. He quickly rolled up his pad and briskly started walking towards town, there was no time for breakfast. He had made up his mind. He was going to give this lady a shot and trust her. He didn’t really have any other options other than to search all of the mountain himself. He arrived at the alley and found the lady waiting there, packed with a backpack that must have weighed over 60 pounds.”
Simple Sentence Paragraph:
Itsuki woke up to the bright sun trickling through the surrounding trees. He quickly rolled up his pad. He briskly walked towards the town. He had no time for breakfast. He had made up his mind. He was going to give this lady a shot and trust her. He didn’t really have any other options other than to search all of the mountain himself. He arrived at the alley and found the lady waiting there. Her backpack must have weighed over 60 pounds.
Analytical Paragraph:
Changing my paragraph to simple sentences destroyed the flow of my paragraph. In order to make my sentences complete, I had to add “he” to all of the sentences. This caused for a breakup in the flow of the paper. The meaning of the paragraph, for the most part, stayed the same, but the nuances and the descriptive writing went away. Making the sentences simple made my paragraph sound like a chronological description of what my character did, not a story. I do believe there is a very important role that simple sentences can play in a story, but I believe the overuse of them can cause the story to lose some of its beauty.
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ReplyDeleteOriginal Passage:
ReplyDeleteAfter awhile, it became apparent that his horse wasn’t able to keep up in the rough terrain, and the knight knew that there wasn’t much time until the dragon was going to attack. The knight decided to leave some food and water for his horse, and tied him up to a nearby tree. The knight, holding all his food in a knapsack slung over his shoulder, began traveling towards the cave.
Original Passage in Simple Sentences:
The knight’s horse began to move more slowly. The horse was moving more slowly because the terrain was rough.The knight knew he didn’t have much time. He left some food and water for his horse. He tied the horse to a tree. The knight had to put all his food in one knapsack. He slung this knapsack over his shoulder. He began traveling towards the cave.
When converting a passage into only simple sentences, it often loses its depth and meaning. For example, my first sentence “After awhile, it became apparent that his horse wasn’t able to keep up in the rough terrain.” was changed to “The knight’s horse began to move more slowly.” It was difficult to show how time was passing when writing it in a simple sentence, because I couldn’t use the “After awhile…” I also had to make a whole new sentence for the last part of the original sentence, which made this part more choppy sounding. This is an example of how it’s hard to keep the same fluidity while also keeping the same depth and meaning when converting a normal passage into only simple sentences
My Passage:
ReplyDeleteShin Malphur had been the first to accept Toland in the Tower after he was banished. When Dredgen Yor heard of this blasphemy, he knew he had to show the world who the greatest sword fighter of all time was. He sought out Toland, and the people of the land prepared for a battle of the ages, hoping against hope that this would be the end of Dredgen Yor. As the Duel began, they seemed about equally skilled.
Revision:
Shin Malphur had been the first to accept Toland in the Tower. Dredgen Yor knew he had to show the world who the greatest sword fighter of all time was. He sought out Toland. The people of the land prepared for a battle of the ages. As the Duel began, they seemed about equally skilled.
Analysis:
Rewriting my sentences was actually quite difficult. This was not because I couldn't figure out how to change them, but because I could hardly read the new versions. Writing sentences for stories that are compound, complex, and compound-complex is part of who I am. Using these types of sentences just makes any sort of writing better. Reading the new sentences felt completely different. I couldn't get across the same points as before. It felt almost as if the story was being read in a monotone, making it much less interesting and entertaining to read. Using only simple sentences gives the story a kind of vibe that it was made by a preschooler or something. Finally, rewriting these sentences in such a way helped me to realize that I am lucky to know how to make my stories so much better by simply making the sentences more than simple.
Original Passage:
ReplyDeleteLike in any family, he often got angry at his parents. One day, his parents were mad at him because he didn’t finish his math homework. David insisted that he had, but his parents didn’t believe him, and they grounded him. This aggravated David, and he decided to take a walk around town to calm himself down.
Simple Sentence Modification:
David often got upset with his parents. One day, his parents were mad at him. This was because they thought he didn't finish his math homework. He said he did. They still didn't believe him. David was angry. He decided to take a walk around the town to calm himself down.
Analysis:
Changing these compound and complex sentences into simple sentences made it lose some of what I was trying to achieve with the passage. It was hard to connect ideas, and show why something happened. When two ideas were contradicting each other, it was hard to show that because I was not able to use a yet or but. Not only did this make it sound choppy, but it changed the reason for each sentence. It also makes the passage more dull and eventless, no matter the content of it. in a climax of a story, part of what keeps it interesting and suspenseful is the variation of sentence structure. Keeping it all short and simple makes it less exciting, which changes the meaning greatly.